Aaaaahhhhh…..Yes, this sound is emanating from me, right here. Now please don’t go all prudish on me if this sounds suspiciously orgasm-like. I assure you , me as decent as they make, no public voyeurism for me. Never. This is an “Aaaahhhhhhh” of jubiliation, of relief, of having done something that one has been wanting to do for a long time. Let me explain. I’ll need to do some husband bashing here. Read on.
Mellow, is not a word that anyone can use to describe my husband. “ Firecracker “ is more in tune with his personality. Sometimes, more like “RDX”. At times, I do look at him wearily and say “How DO you expect me to handle someone like YOU?” Had I been someone with hidden ambitions of “training” the husband, I would have looked like a deflated balloon by now. By the way,what is the opposite word for “Henpecked” ? If you know the word, please tell me too. I’ll put that label on his person. Yes, I do have such quirky dreams – where I stick labels like this on him. Let’s get back to the “firecracker” part. Oh yes, he erupts like it’s “Guy Fawkes Day” from time to time. If you say one sharp/rude word to him, he will sting you like a bee. If you step on his toes-meaning,if you mess with him- well, the bee turns into a scorpion.
At first glance, I seem to be no match for all this ferociousness. But, marriage to him seems to have awakened the lioness in me. I put up an equal fight, you can bet on that. Hey, are you guys feeling bad for me? Don’t! With this overdose of passionate outbursts, also comes a bountiful supply of love, benevolence and affection. And a husband who always tells his wife to not take nonsense of any kind from anyone. I have become more relaxed as a person , being with him. That speaks a lot about him as a husband. BUT. I have still had a burning desire to scold him to my heart’s content , for a long time now. (As in, a proper scolding, when he can’t utter a word himself.). JUST ONCE, for god’s sake! And I was granted my wish a few days back.
We moved into our new house in this station last month. I have been literally pulling at my hairs at times, so overwhelming this fauji-like-a- gypsy life can be! The details are for another article. Let me just replay a conversation to you. I phoned him in the afternoon, almost at my wits’ end – handling two kids in summer-holidays-mode AND setting up a new home from scratch is not child’s play after all.
Me : Will you help me get the servant room in some decent shape today? We need to arrange the trunks and clear some space.
Him : Nah. I will be going for golf.
( This is being said in a very happy voice, mind you. )
Me : Ok. Bye.
I sighed, braced myself and started thinking of the job in hand. The phone rings. It’s him. Completely oblivious to the stress that I am beginning to feel.
Me : Hello…
Him : ( Giggling) Hi, Sapna! So and so is saying – Sir, you have moved into your new house and haven’t invited us for pakoras. When can we come over? ( Giggling again- infectious and heart touching boyish happiness )
Me : ( The flood gates have opened.) Yes, definitely. But I need you to help me. There are certain things that can’t be done without your help and inputs.
Him : Arey, you will be able to do it, I am sure.
Me : ( The flood gates have been demolished by now with the force of emotion )Why do you always think that I have some kind of a magic wand , and can handle everything?
Him : ( Silence )
Me : I have had it up to HERE ( touching my throat ) , in setting up this house, with these damn trunks, cartons, and what have-you-not. I just asked you for ONE evening of yours and you denied me even that. ( I do plead guilty here, of exaggerating things a wee bit )
Him : ( Silence )
Me : ( Breathing heavily )
Him : Chalo, we’ll talk once I get home.
Now THIS , is not normal behaviour on his part. Because whatever you give him, he gives it back in manifolds. If it is love, you will be showered with copious amounts of it. If you sulk, your attempt at showing childish behaviour will be ignored and thwarted in cold blood.If you “Scold”,well, there’s going to be a nuclear blast for sure. This particular day, however,the firecracker couldn’t explode because he was in his office and his junior happened to be sitting nearby. Hurrraaayyyyy! So is THAT the trick? I just need to catch him at his office. Sure enough, I gloated over my discovery. When he came back home, I blocked his way at the main door and let out an “ AAAAAHHHHHHH” ( completely Chandler-like ) . He knows this sound by now and understood why it had emanated from me just then.
Me : It was wonderful! I’ve never felt like this before.
Him : ( Silence )
Me : You’ve made me go into raptures of joy. Thank you.
Him : ( Trying to look angry )
Me : I feel so relaxed. Let’s do this more often.
Him : ( Glancing sideways at me )
Me : What are you thinking about, you dirty mind? What I mean is, whenever I want to scold you, I just need to call you up at your office and vent to my heart’s content.
Him : ( Can’t hold out any longer and breaking into a sheepish grin, crushes my arm in a side hug.)
To cut a long story short, he didn’t stay at home after lunch and did go for his golf session. The room that needs to be overhauled is still a mess. But so happy I was with my achievement-of-a-lifetime; that I didn’t mind his absence at all. I have SCOLDED the firecracker and he in turn didn’t utter a word. Not even a mild sizzle.
” AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH !! ”
© Sapna Dhyani 19th June ‘19