She saw herself, in the winter of her life

she saw 1

She lay on her bed,
Her life flashing before her eyes; as it often did, these days.
There she is, bathing under the stream as a kid, free as a bird.
Now she is standing at the threshold of a new life, as a young bride, dreamy eyed.
Look, she is taking care of her home and her kids, like a devotee.
Her identity is but a reflection of her husband’s personality .
Her kids, her home and her spouse- the reason for her being.

And now, the kids have grown and flown the nest, one by one; building their own nests.
Grappling with illness, she lies on her bed all day.
Musing if the life she lived was worthwhile.
Her children take care of her and visit her,
But she yearns to confide in someone, pour her heart out;
To someone who would listen and understand her journey.
And maybe give her the validation she longs for,
That it was not all wasted, that she did accomplish something worthwhile.

She wonders why she didn’t nurture a little world for her own self.
A world apart from her home, kids and her spouse.
A world that comprised her own friends, her quirks,her hobbies.
A world with her name glittering on it’s horizon.

The icy winds of the winter are freezing her heart, slowly sucking the life force away.
Overwhelmed with the force of the images in front of her eyes,
She shuts them and tries to conjure up a different vision.
Where her being is not merged into her home and hearth.
She sees herself rise from the earth, like a phoenix, a separate being, full of life;
Standing in full glory, arms spread wide, smiling, exulting in it’s freedom.
She sees herself like she was as a child, free as a bird.
She finally breaks loose from the tiny thread holding her to this world,
And flies away- At Last.

© Jun 2016 Sapna Dhyani Devrani

Author: Sapna Dhyani

I am Sapna Dhyani. I write about everything that crosses my mind. I write about life as I see it and like to infuse humour into my blogs. I belong to Dehradun but now live in a new city after every two years, being an army wife. This uprooting of base every couple of years, setting up a new home in a new place, meeting new people and forging new friendships, exploring new cities; all this ensures that I go through and am blessed with a myriad of experiences.

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